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quixotic-exotic:

The Purity Bear Will Cockblock You Until You’re Married

Hey guys, have you met The Purity Bear? He’s a plush toy who appears to tempted teens and warns them without moving his mouth that going inside a girl’s house will inevitably lead to sex having, and sex having before marriage is literally the worst decision you could possibly make.

In spite of the fact that this could easily be parody, this video is a very real effort to promote the very real Day of Purity. On that Pure of Days, everyone focuses on their genitals for awhile, and somehow that makes them better people. Pure people.

This Purity Bear video also teaches us an important lesson about women, namely that they’re usually the ones responsible for tricking men into getting turned on, and they’re always demanding sex from poor, defenseless, virtuous, chaste dudes. It happened in Twilight when Bella spent like 3 books humping Edward’s leg before he agreed to put out, it happened to Sir Galahad, the Chaste in that castle full of horny virgins, and it’s happening here, right on this now besotted doorstep. For shame, woman. For shame, women.

Visibly absent from this scenario was the Artie The Angry Trouser Python, who appears to men and tells them to never turn down a handjob.



Dude, that’s bullshit. I was raised a devoute Christian and even I know that ain’t right.

My Dad said it best: “If it’s good, it’s 10% of the relationship. If it’s bad, it’s 90%.”

Abstinence is not the key to a successful marriage. Like anything else, practice makes perfect.
Reblogged 4 months ago from quixotic-exotic
93 notes
Source: jezebel.com
  1. gone-away-awhile reblogged this from quixotic-exotic
  2. zenethra reblogged this from etherwave
  3. etherwave reblogged this from rainandteeth
  4. chicken-snack reblogged this from hoaxzine
  5. iamtheshebeast reblogged this from hoaxzine
  6. rainandteeth reblogged this from hoaxzine and added:
    HAHAHA WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK i can’t even
  7. theviolettruth reblogged this from hoaxzine and added:
    this shit is awkward and creepy!! ps the latter scenario was just a day later because he really wanted to get laid- so...
  8. packedourthings reblogged this from hoaxzine
  9. r-a-n-d-o-m-i-z-e-r reblogged this from quixotic-exotic
  10. ccatss reblogged this from quixotic-exotic
  11. happy-things reblogged this from mollay
  12. alli-cat reblogged this from castlebuilder
  13. castlebuilder reblogged this from quixotic-exotic
  14. uglytshirt reblogged this from mollay and added:
    I love this because the editing makes it look like they had a shotgun wedding literally that night or some kind of...
  15. rosebarrye888 reblogged this from mollay
  16. virginwitch reblogged this from quixotic-exotic and added:
    Could anyone take this ad seriously,though? I mean,I cracked up. I thought it would be a lot worse.
  17. animus--vox reblogged this from mollay and added:
    The angry trouser python.
  18. 43tightropes reblogged this from thinkerofmeanthoughts
  19. thinkerofmeanthoughts reblogged this from onlyslightly and added:
    Rebliggityblogging the stupidest thing ever for Katy if she had phrased the question do you want to screw? I doubt he’d...
  20. flawedartist reblogged this from jcjpeg and added:
    Creepy bear is CREEPY